Tristram and Isolde is a bonerific nightmare that borders on farce. King Arthur’s court is basically one endless sex disaster, what with Arthur’s accidental incest and Lancelot’s righteous wangfoolery. What do you get for the man who has everything? How about some fucking morals.Īnyway, if you’re desperate for booty, tales of chivalry aren’t the best place to go for inspiration.
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They didn’t need to invent a complex code of ethics to justify getting shit for free, because they already had all the shit. They weren’t exactly hard up for sex opportunities, is what I’m trying to say.
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They were powerful, exciting people relatively free of disease. In addition to horses, knights also owned fancy armor, sick weapons, and huge tracts of land. This is because the people who chivalry was invented for were so fucking rich that prizes were totally meaningless to them. There are no prizes for being chivalrous, other than the prize of being a decent god damn human.
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CHIVALRY IS NOT A POINTS SYSTEM REDEEMABLE FOR FREE SEX Sometimes it really is about sticking up for women, but only if your help is wanted.
It’s about actively trying to recruit more people of color in your workplace. It’s about holding the door for a dude in a wheelchair. It’s about being careful not to trample people just because you can. Real chivalry is about noticing when you have a horse and somebody else doesn’t. But there are still power structures built into society that put some people in metaphorical Blackhawk helicopters, and other people underneath those helicopters (sometimes the Blackhawk Helicopters are also literal). Women can own as many horses as they want. It’s that chivalry is about defending people who don’t own horses, and in the middle ages women didn’t own shit. Chivalry was – and still is – basically a way of saying, “okay, I have an optimized death machine between my legs, maybe I should look out for people who don’t have one of these.” So it’s not that chivalry is specifically about defending women because women are weak. The only thing stopping you was chivalry. Horses were the Blackhawk Helicopters of the Middle Ages if you had a horse, you could absolutely kill anybody who didn’t have a horse and nobody was going to say a god damn thing. See, the word “chivalry” comes from the French word “chevalier,” which comes from “cheval,” which means “horse.” Chivalry is literally just “rules for if you have a horse.” This was an important set of rules to have in chivalry times.
The truth is, chivalry has basically fuck all to do with women, and everything to do with horses. This is probably the main thing people fuck up about chivalry. CHIVALRY IS NOT ABOUT TREATING WOMEN LIKE DELICATE FLOWERS Chivalry is a complicated, difficult, and ultimately good code of ethics that you probably have a fundamental misunderstanding of. But that’s not what the fuck chivalry is. And it’s true, nobody wants to do that to your hog in exchange for that minor favor. Chivalry is dead, because it’s 2015 and nobody wants to suck your dick for holding the door open for them. It used to be a lament, and then it turned into a joke, and now it’s just a fact that almost everybody accepts. I’ve heard a lot of people say it’s dead.
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